PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEEEEEAAASE continue! I really want to know what happens the next day!!! Con-ti-nue! Con-ti-nue! Con-ti-nue! (Chanting) Please? This story is sooo awesome! 9/10!

You know what? I'm not even going to bother reading your story. I can already see what's wrong with it. Grammar and paragraphing. Don't abuse the power of the capitalization. With great power comes great responsibility. Remember that.

Song lyrics take away from the story. They make it sound cheap and not well done. And making a game tie-in with characters from Nintendo and various others also make your story look bad. I myself like Zelda and Kirby games. And Yoshi. Yoshi rocks. But, not with Sonic.

As for grammar, it's pathetic. You're making your homophones get tangled up and your tenses run into each other. Learn how to punctuate, now that I think about it. The capitalization is probably the most prominent, though. Work on it.

Your length is fantastic, though. Just take head to the suggestions above. Can't wait to see what happens next. ^^