For view only at http://www.sonadow.com! Do not distribute this story without at LEAST asking for my permission, please! :3

As with everyone else on this website, and any other website containing FAN FICTION *ahem* I don't own these characters. I guess only the idea is mine, not that anyone cares. :p

Anyway, this is my intended ficcie for the manga contest thing (if that’s still even going on). This one is written in Shadow’s point of view in the form of a written work. I will end the story with a sequel that will be of course, 3rd person. Please keep an eye out for it! I’m trying hard to make it original yet compelling. Thanks for all my readers who sent me reviews, I will be getting back on the ball about my fanfics.

By: Faker_Face http://fanfiction.sonadow.com

The Lonely Life I Love
***

Sun’s Height – 29

This whole diary thing came to me a few years ago with advice from Aleena. She always seemed to be interested in my wellbeing, even when it was no concern of hers. After all, I’m not her child and I am nearly 70 years old. Not much of a reason for her to be worried; and yet she did. I can only assume it was her motherly instincts at work.

I remember her saying, “If you’re scared of people judging you for your feelings, why not write it down to get it off your chest?”

At first I thought she was just kidding… who could really expect me of all people to have a diary to write in? But after some thought, I figured she had a point. At least I have someone - or something - to divulge my thoughts to. I thanked Aleena not to long ago… for the advice, of course, and also for being the only mother figure in my life. She really is a kind woman.

But now that I think of it… everyone I met all those years ago has grown on me, one way or the other. Rouge and I have unofficially adopted each other as the family we never had. She’s always been protective of me, whether or not she wants to admit it, and I’ve always done my best to keep her out of harm’s way. If only I could keep her away from that echidna.

Heh… Knuckles. He’s not so bad, really. One minute he’s the world’s biggest lecher and the next he’s the most loyal friend a guy could ever ask for. I wonder about him, though. Sometimes he becomes easily distracted when he should be guarding that Master Emerald. If Rouge ever shows up with it, I’m going to deny any sort of knowledge of its existence.

Who else..? I think the dynamic duo comes to mind; Sonic and Tails. I have to admit I was impressed with the extremes of innocence and maturity the fox boy showed five years ago when I first met him. Someone like him that held so much intelligence yet had a complete lack of self confidence. I think out of everyone, he’s changed the most. I decided to swallow my pride years ago in exchange for the boy’s help whenever I needed it. Never once has he ever shown me a condescending attitude like I expected; instead he just does what he can with a smile. If it’s simple enough he’ll even teach me a few things in his free time. Sonic should feel lucky to have a friend like him.

Sonic really hasn’t changed at all. He’s still the same overenthusiastic teen he was back then, except for one small difference. In the last few years he’s gone through three relationships… well I shouldn’t even count the second one. It lasted only a month before the woman decided to reveal she was some kind of stalker. I remember something about a restraining order… it must have been bad because he’s never even done that with Amy.

Anyway, I think the last one hit him pretty hard when she broke up with him… for being too childish, no less. But it was because of this he must have temporarily lost a large piece of his innocence. I don’t think he’d ever been serious about someone before her… I can’t remember her name. I tried to stay out of it as much as possible. But anyway, it took him a long time to get over it. I even found him a few times drunk at the Club… Rouge said the poor thing had his heart broken; that nothing is ever the same after you’ve been hurt by someone.

Not sure if that’s true or not… I’ve been in love the last few years and haven’t felt rejected or betrayed. But who am I kidding? It’s only because I have never confessed to it… you can’t be denied your feelings if you never give someone the chance to say, “No way.” Maybe my feelings haven’t been validated. But it’s the best I could probably ever get away with.

Instead I express my love in other ways that are useful. Like all those nights I carried him home from the Club; piss drunk and heavy as a two ton rag doll. Or when I stayed until morning to fix him a decent breakfast and lend my advice. Of course… maybe I shouldn’t be giving anyone advice on relationships; its not like I’ve had one before. But it was the least I could do for him until he felt better; and he did feel better after a few months went by. He was back to his old skirt-chasing ways, trying to find someone new to accept him.

Rouge always asks me why I bother trying so hard, but I always answer the same way. I suppose It’s just this hope that Sonic might really mean what he says about everyone deserving the same chance to have a happy life. But I don’t know, somehow I think that if I confessed he would drop that ideal like a hot iron.

Oh well… I think if I’ve lasted this long without saying anything I could probably go on forever like this.

( P.S. If you’re reading my diary again, Rouge, I’m going to strangle you.)
-Shadow

Sun’s Height – 30

I was a little worried this morning. I woke up with a phone call from the Club. Rouge sounded a little upset about… what was it? I can’t remember the excuse. Anyway, I rushed over there to find out what was wrong and when I stepped inside I was given a surprise party - they nearly gave me a heart attack. Once everyone was settled and having fun I cursed Rouge for tricking me.

She reminded me promptly of a deal we made a long time ago…not sure when. Maybe three years ago..? Anyway, since I was never really ‘born’ she decided a random day out of each year to throw me a party. It’s kind of her, really, but one of these days I’m going to drop dead from one of these surprise parties of hers.

I decided to mingle and thank everyone for coming when Sonic ran in; fashionably late of course. He handed me a small gift and put a hand on my shoulder. “Happy Birthday, old man!” he said with his usual cocky grin. I honestly thought about breaking his nose, but decided it was inappropriate. Instead I just said ‘thank you’ and took the gift.

I still haven’t opened it… in fact; it’s on my desk right now as useful as a paperweight. I’m not sure I want to know what’s in there. Knowing him its some gag gift meant to upset me. Last year he gave me some breath mints that looked like Viagra. Really, I’m not that old.

Last Seed - 01

I watched a movie last night at my place with Rouge, and it was upsetting to say the least. Rouge, being the silly woman she is, was crying half the time and clinging onto me like I was her very own personal pillow. I didn’t mind, but I did try to convince her it was only a movie.

“That’s not the point.” She whined to me, “This is based on real life!”

I can see the argument, but really. I never understood the meaning of watching a movie if it’s going to make you feel horrible. Maybe I’m just sick of feeling like that?

Last Seed – 07

It’s been a while since I wrote anything, but Eggman had to be dealt with a few days ago, among other things. It was a busy week for all of us. Luckily the attack of his was half-baked, at best. Sonic was, as usual, the one to take him down. Afterwards he followed his usual ritual of gloating to the press and taking off with a group of women. It hurts knowing what he’s doing, considering my feelings for him and all… but it’s my own fault for not saying anything.

Rouge was concerned about him too. The woman knows a flirt when she sees one, but she also knows when someone is trying to drown their pain with meaningless liaisons. Not unlike how I used to keep everything to myself; all the pain and worry. He just happens to be the exact opposite of me by sharing himself with everyone.

“I would say something to him… really, I would. But…” And there’s always a ‘but’ with women: “He doesn’t exactly trust me; not to mention he’d throw my own habits right into my face”. I guess she had a point. She has enough sex drive to take down an army; Knuckles is a lucky guy.

Maybe if I had enough courage I could find someone who was looking for a faithful lover. No… even if I could that wouldn’t be what I truly wanted; it wouldn’t be fair for someone to take on a mess of emotions like me. But I’ve tried everything I can to get even a moment’s passing without that blue hedgehog on my mind. I even tried my luck at some lonely ventures of my own… but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I guess I just don’t think of him that way….. or maybe I really do need Viagra.

Last Seed -08

It was just as I suspected. Sonic had been with those girls that night; all night apparently. I heard him and Knuckles, the group pervert, talk about it. Sonic felt obligated to include me in the conversation, I think. But everything that came out of his mouth was making me feel ill, so I had to excuse myself and empty the contents of my stomach in the closest bathroom I could find.

I think I’ve become too serious about this lately. I remember washing my mouth out with soap in the sink to get the taste of bile out of my mouth. The taste of soap wasn’t any better, but somehow afterwards I felt a little better in spite of the ache in my chest. Knuckles came in while I was washing my mouth.

“Hey dude, are you alright?” he asked. He was just as kind to me as Rouge was, even if he could be obnoxious at times.

I told him I was feeling sick, nothing more. He seemed suspicious about my excuse. I’m certain he didn’t believe the Ultimate Lifeform could suffer from a stomach virus. And he would be right in thinking so. Unfortunately it isn’t that simple. Sorry Knuckles… but it seems like Rouge is the only person I can ever really trust.

“Do you need any help?” I said no and dried up, then left the room. I don’t know why I keep coming back to this club knowing Sonic hung out there, too. Rouge is here, yes, but she comes over to my place all the time anyway. Maybe I should just stay home from now on. It’s not like G.U.N. doesn’t give me odd jobs to do around the city to keep my mind off things.

Unfortunately, the only way outside was past the table that I had deliberately avoided. Sonic gave me a smile and looked up at me with a slight amount of concern in those green eyes. “Where ya going, Shadow?”

Out. That’s all I said before continuing on my lonely walk. Half-way down the block he caught up with me. I really didn’t feel like his company at that point. I’m afraid I was very harsh with him.

“Hey! C’mon, Shads! Why you dodgin’ lately? You gotta get out more! You wonder why you’re always so emo? It’s because yer stuck inside all day writing in that stupid book mom told you to buy!”

All I really remember was feeling an angry burn on my face; before I knew it my hand had literally swatted the side of his head roughly. The look on his face was more of surprise than actual pain as he held his red cheek.

Don’t you say that, I told him. I felt my voice crack as I yelled at him, but I tried to cover it up with a growl. I don’t know if it worked. Instead of thinking I continued my walk. He didn’t follow me anymore after that… and I wasn’t about to turn around and look for myself.

I think I was angry at him more for calling what I write in here ‘stupid’… but he doesn’t know any better. I should apologize next time I see him.

Hearthfire – 02

I just got back from a very long and arduous mission from G.U.N. Rouge and I were assigned to go on the said mission and we were able to complete it. Needless to say we succeeded; I wish I had been able to write about it, but I was strictly forbidden to mention a single detail. And I won’t.

This is my first night back home in nearly a month. Rouge went back to the Club instead of staying with me here. Luckily she was able to find someone to run the place while she was gone.

The Commander gave me a hefty sum for my service to the States, and I am wondering how I should spend it. Maybe I’ll have a professional interior designer come in and renovate my condo. Yes… I think that’s what I’ll do. Hell… maybe I’ll just buy this whole building while I’m at it. I remember Rouge saying I needed extra help learning to decorate. Maybe she’s right.

I already had ten thousand of my check sent to Tails to fix his Tornado II. Apparently the engine went bad and needs replacing. I figured that would be enough for him to fix the problem and have some money left over to have fun. I wonder what boys his age do for fun anyway?

In any case, I think all that fighting has made me weary. I should probably get some sleep.

Hearthfire - 03

Before I realized it, my eyes had opened and I found it was already 2pm. I don’t usually sleep in past 11am, but I assumed I must have been exhausted. After the usual morning cleaning I decided to go out… unfortunately the weather was looking foul. I almost decided to stay buy I really felt the need to go out. So I grabbed a coat and went outside just as the drizzle started to pick up… it looked worse from far away and eventually caught up with me.

Nothing is worse than feeling completely drenched. I hated it… mostly because it clung to my arms and chest. Also because it made me colder than I usually am. Then a thought came into my mind… there was a coffee shop not too far away so I went. Of course I was drenched all over again… but it wasn’t anything a nice hot cup of coffee couldn’t help.

Anyway while I was waiting in line, I heard a very familiar voice. Something about a black coffee? Anyway… I leaned over slightly to catch a glimpse of who it was.

It was Sonic. Figures he’d drink coffee. “I thought I recognized that voice.” I thought I had said it softer than it had come out. It caused him to turn around, and with a smile as well.

“I was hoping you weren’t caught up in this storm!” I wasn’t sure what he meant by that, but I replied by saying I was sick of being indoors… what’s your excuse?

“Ah, jes sick of waiting for the phone to ring.” He continued on making idle chatter while we waited for coffee, and then we sat at a table. Once we were settled I made my apology to him known… I hadn’t forgotten.

“It’s alright, Shadow. I was being a jerk, anyway.” I felt good that he wasn’t angry with me. Then again I don’t think Sonic could ever hold a grudge against anyone. Then without much warning the thought hit me: exactly how many people know his number anyway? It was disheartening, to say the least.

I offered him the last half of my lemon pound cake; I usually get it to even the bitter taste of coffee. I told him I could never manage to finish all of it; then he thanked me. A few seconds later I thought I heard my own insides shattering.

“Hey, Shads? Why don’t you have a girlfriend anyway? Just curious. ” he asked me.

I wasn’t sure how to answer the question so I stalled for as long as possible without it seeming too forced. So I worded it in the best way I could, but honestly. I don’t really like women.

Sonic’s eyes widened. “So you’re gay?” I guess he’s a little sharper than he lets off. I shrugged and tried not to look so pitifully depressed about it, and asked quietly for him to not tell anyone. Sure, no problem. But I’m certain everyone already suspects it one way or another.

Sonic went on about how I shouldn’t worry about it because of some reason or other. Then he ranted about the women who have mistreated him. I tried as eloquently as I could to tell him I was sorry about how he had been used before… according to him to get to some other guy.

I think you’re the last person on earth that deserves to be treated like that, Sonic. At least I had managed to say it without sounding like a complete fool. I think he must have appreciated the sentiment because he looked up at me with a thankful smile and a wave of the hand.

Sonic… maybe you should stop searching for someone and let the right one come to you? He scoffed at my suggestion and said, “Yeah right. The only women who come to me are like Amy!” I remember him sticking his tongue out like he had a pound of salt in his mouth. It made me smile at least.

I was enjoying my time with him like this. Just sitting and swapping stories and whatnot. It was nice to have him close to me too. Even through the smell of the coffee house I caught his scent, and it made me feel like I could pretend we were together; even if it was just for a few minutes.

I don’t remember exactly what he said, but it literally felt like reality punched me in the gut to get me out of my little dream world. In reality he had thrown an arm around my shoulder. “Hey that’s it, Shads! Maybe you could meet someone at G.U.N. headquarters. Who knows, maybe if you two become close in the heat of battle, something might happen?”

Spoken like a true romantic, but that wasn’t even the half of it. That wink he gave me was too much… I really had fallen in love in the heat of battle. But it’s not like I could say anything. Instead I turned my head to avoid him seeing an embarrassing rush of heat to my face. Maybe, Sonic…

Hearthfire - 04

As I write this… I am gathering the courage to tell Sonic how I feel. Yesterday’s visit was more than just a simple talk. Maybe I hadn’t been able to tell him then… but I gained a little more confidence in at least admitting my sexuality. His reaction was encouraging too. I thought for sure he’d feel uncomfortable around me after, but he wasn’t.

If I don’t tell him soon I’m afraid idle time wasted will cheapen my accomplishments so far. That they’ll become insignificant somehow…

… what’s the worse than can happen?

I don’t hang out with Sonic… so it’s not like we’ll miss each other. We don’t live close by… so we wouldn’t have to see each other that way. I haven’t known him any other way than an ally in battle… sometimes an enemy… so would I really lose anything…? I hope not…

Until next time…

***
END

This is it folks… time for Shadow to go out there and confess his feelings for the hedgie of his dreams. Will he have the guts? Most likely! Otherwise no one would wanna read it! Keep a look out for the sequel to this story, which will end the story as a whole. Thanks and leave a review!!