thats kinda scary
I'll try and take that as a compliment. *sweat drop* But just because you're a shadouge girl doesn't mean you write worse with sonadow, hm? Replace names, I say. (I myself am a Mephiles x Silver fan. I know, weird, but it's cool. XD) So I never write sonadow (only the modest amount I have posted). Usually action or fantasy. Gotta love the horror, too. *grins* Any who, I'll give ya credit for tryin'. I know we all do try, but sadly, that's why your grade as high as a 1/5. *scratches ear sheepishly* Eh heh.... You hate me, don't you? ><
Apologies for bloating your review box, but I had to respond. ^^; Aw well. I'll be lookin' for yer next story.
Author's Response: no i don't hate u ^^ sry about that rude comment, i have been known to yell at people even when they don't do anything wrong lol sry! and it's not everyday i go thinking 'oh i'm going to write a sonadow story about this,' no it's more like, 'hey what if i did a shadrouge story with this type of twist,' i never was really into sonadow until a matter of trust because i was bored and i needed something to read lol i wasn't really going to write any but that just popped in my head and i thought, 'ah wth i'll give it a shot and c what i can write better sonadow or shadrouge.' but if u want to c soem good shadroueg then just check out the link to my FF ^^' again i'm sry i didn't have the right lol
You spelled 'PROLOGUE' wrong and you put it at the end. >< I pray to all that is holy that you are JOKING. (If you can spell epilogue right, you SHOULD be able to spell prologue right.)
Any who, the end was...egh. Am I permitted to be rude? I shall anyways: a piece of terrible shit. That was so horrible. And short. Don't forget short. It was in no way whatsoever conclusive, and still had too much dialogue.
A Pointer: PLEASE do not use their name OVER AND OVER. You just won't stop, will you? 'Sonic looked at Shadow and Shadow looked at Sonic.' 'Shadow looked up at Knuckles and Knuckles chuckled.' There are such words as PRONOUNS. USE THEM. 'He, she, it, I' are a few, dear author. Go to grammar school. >< (In fact, I learned pronouns in the SECOND GRADE. Goodness.)
Any who, back to that ending....
Tachar: It sucked.
Shut up, muse of death and annoyance. -_- Well, the ending was in no way conclusive, as I said before. Try giving the reader a sense of emotion at the end. Well, the one you want, anyways. For example, I felt total and utter disgust, thinking 'where are sonadow stories going?!' You...eh...don't want that. And I don't have too high of standards, either. *sweat drop*I have one simple quote to end this review for ya that I just so happen to write by:
"No tears for the Writer, no tears for the Reader."
-Robert Frost (I do believe it is him I'm quoting, anyways.)
Rating: 1/5 Work on, pwease. And improve. Please improve. ^^ Hope I helped somehow.
Author's Response: yeah u helped a little, but there's one thing i should tell u i don't usually write sonadow stories! i'mmore of a shadrouge gal anyway so give me some credit for trying. oh and ur opinions don't mean a thing to me ^^
wow.. interesting story
...I love the fact that shadow has an "Evil side"
that only sonic can stop.
the only thing I wasn't sure about was the
fact that shadow lived in a famly and whent to school..
apart from that it is awesome!! ^^
good job.
Author's Response: that actually wnet to another story i wrote awhile back sry that confused u!!
Rating: 1/5 *groans* YOUR SKIPPING EVEN MORE NOW! Not to mention.... 'By the Sonic woke up, Shadow was already gone.' Check for these mistakes. Can you?
Any who, your characters enter at random intervals, and it makes no sense.
You have too little description and too much dialogue. DESCRIBE Sonic's search for Shadow. You tend to make everything within their reach.
Not for SPELLING. Ahem, I do BELIEVE it makes you sound more intelligent when you REFRAIN from things like 'my feelings for u r real'. Does not it sound sort of...moronic? Yes? Continue? I shall. Spelling of 'assult', class? a-s-s-a-u-l-t Assault. Good.
Now, length. Any idea how long it typically takes authors to make a chap? Usually, weeks. I even have a chapter I've been working on for two months. This is something I could have wiped up in around 5 minutes. (Granted you are not me, but hey. I'm sure you can as well. I'm not even a fast typer.) This doesn't cut the cookie. Let's look at yer word count here.... Hm. 8 chaps, 4567 words. Not much right there. A typical chapter SHOULD be 1000 words long EACH. This means you had around 500 words per chap, give or take a few tens. Even if you have some DIFFICULTY with length (trust me, we all do sometimes), you should be able to create SOMETHING with a few 700 words AT LEAST.
Not that I don't want ya to stop, just keep these things IN MIND. And continue. Continue and improve. ^^
Author's Response: aww man i'm so sry!! i have this on ff so it's kinda done on there and i'm adding a cha a day, sry i have a bad thing of not knowing how to spell 2
awesome story, good job =]
Author's Response: aww thank u so much! i'll try to have the next cha. up soon ^^ hope 2 c u there!
Wow....^^ I think it's cute...Plz continue
Author's Response: thank u so much ^^ and i will try to update soon ^^
NO! The repetitive naming! One of many amateurs' mistakes! And school fics aren't allowed, though I'm not entirely sure if this is one. *blinks* Any who, you skip around too much. Try not to do that and to flesh out your writing some more. Save for that, this is okay for your first. Nice work.
Author's Response: wow do i really skip around that much? sry i'll try to keep that in mind whenever i write but thatnks for ur comments ^^
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