um....that was interesting....it was great....

um.....okaaaaaay. I'm gonna have to go with Takashi on this one.

But of you're just starting take into mind that writing a story/one-shot/drabble you gotta have flow and ease.
To me this seemed choppy and harsh/blunt.
Use a thesaurus....ha!! whatever spelling XDD and might I suggest taking Takashi's pointers to heart, they'll help a lot.
Um, do get word and of course it can't work out ALL the kinks, so u should consider a beta till you get the hang of things.

Um, good attempt, keep at it, and welcome :)

um.....okaaaaaay. I'm gonna have to go with Takashi on this one.

But of you're just starting take into mind that writing a story/one-shot/drabble you gotta have flow and ease.
To me this seemed choppy and harsh/blunt.
Use a thesaurus....ha!! whatever spelling XDD and might I suggest taking Takashi's pointers to heart, they'll help a lot.
Um, do get word and of course it can't work out ALL the kinks, so u should consider a beta till you get the hang of things.

Um, good attempt, keep at it, and welcome :)

I notice than I tend to be too cruel to newcomers.... *muses* Oh well. I made a list to help you improve, fellow author. I may have went overboard, and it skips around, but it's there. *shrugs* I have good intentions.

1) You switched tenses several times. Choose one.

2) "Me" always comes at the end of a subject list, where it turns into "I" when compatible.

3) Your paragraphing is horrendous. Paragraphs are commonly five to six sentences long, not fifty.

4) Sonic and Shadow joking about Tails being mad? Not likely. Keep your characters in character.

5) "It's" means "it is". The possessive term for "it" is "its".

6) "Tounge" is incorrect because it is not a word in English. You meant "tongue".

7) 'I enjoyed it 10x more.' Well, I didn't. You should have written: 'I enjoyed it ten times more.' Very painless, you'll soon find.

8) 'We laughed at the four condoms that we hadn't used. Oops.' Oops is right. Do you think anyone in their right mind would laugh because they failed to use protection? Nervously, I suppose, but I'm sure that they weren't laughing in fear.

9) Tails acting like a psychopath? We all know he'll break one day, but not like what you illustrated. In character. Keep him in character. And why did Tails go there in the first place? How did he suspect Sonic and Shadow? Why would he have reason to? Plot hole~. The black hole and enemy of writers everywhere.

10) Sonic calling Tails a "SONOFABITCH"? *winces* Doubt it. Really, sincerely doubt it. And the whole "Tails is dead because Sonic always hated him" thing is worse. What ever happened to the whole "Sonic's best friend and sidekick, Miles Prower..."?

11) And our blue hedgehog does something he would normally avoid. The old gun to the temple. Do you honestly believe two seconds after Shadow dies, Sonic would be weak and scared enough to kill himself?

12) Silver's a naïve telekinetic who was transported to Sonic's time from the future. *cough* Trunks rip off. *cough* And he says fuck? May I repeat from your story in correct grammatical context: "Dude, what the fuck?"

13) The end sounds like this entire story was a parody. Even more so because you didn't write out "five" and spelled "minutes" wrong. Not to mention Silver's over use of the word "Dude!"

14) *gasps* Tails owns a gun? I thought 4Kids banned that! Alright, truth aside, Tails owning any sort of gun that isn't for one of his mechanisms is absurd. Or did he buy it on his way to the house, with assurance to the store owner that he was eight years old and could most definitely handle a gun?

15) Grammar. Work on it. Now. Do you have Word? If so, use it. At least get a spellchecker, like I have in TextEdit. (No grammar checker in that program, though. Please use Word if available. It may not always be right. *smacks server* But it gets the job done. ...Sometimes.)

16) If Sonic has always had this blinding hatred towards Tails...then why are they dating?

17) Please tell me. Humor me. Why the hell is Silver there? What significance does he play at all? Don't get me wrong, I'm a big Silver fan, but why?

18) This relationship, I observe, seems like one more out of lust between Sonic and Shadow than love. This one is personal preferences, so it will not detract from my opinion of the story: There are a lot of stories where they just get it on and that's it. Why? What compels people to write that alone and not much emotional value? I suppose that is also preferences, but it's something to muse over. Did you intend the relationship to be real or out of lust?

19) Same topic, more technical. It seemed like it was out of purely lust. So, why did Shadow say "I love you." at the end?

20) Sonic had sex with Tails? And he hates him? What, did Tails rape him or something? I doubt it.

My list is finished. All of these suggestions are optional to look at. I know it's bothersome for someone to pick apart your work, but it's the best way to get better. :/ Erm...okay story, and an overused concept, but keep trying! This was only your first try. I look forward to seeing more from you later on down the road. ^^

Author's Response: Thank you!