Aw, it's really great you're going to continue! This story is a little cliche and cheesy, (the part where Shadow was all "WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN ME," for example) but that's the only real problem I've had. The cliffhanger at the end really had me thinking, "Are they going to somehow live or will this story take place in death?" since I couldn't find an indication as to what. Being able to keep things in the Shadows (epic pun I pulled there. :D) is a quality that every good writer should have, and it's a breath of fresh air. I usually can figure out what's going to happen in the next chapter of anything due to blunt foreshadowing, but that gets old after a while.

Overall, I like the mysterious vibe I get from it, but I would cut back a smidgen on the cliche.

Author's Response: I appreciate the feedback and I know it does sound a little bit cliche on the Why couldn't have been me part. Still though the fact that just the beginning is stumping people already has me pleased and I'm glad for all of those who enjoyed this story so far. As I said before mystery books are a favorite of mine. As for the part of "Are they going to live or will this story take place in death?" Well I already have that planned out and I'm hoping that people will be blown away when I get to the final chapter.

Your writing appears to be a developing case. Still, I can see this narration turning into a very interesting one with the right tweaks. You definitely have the makings for some great stuff.
One thing I would suggest is some more editing. You had some simple spelling errors that you probably would have caught if you edited more closely, and remember that numbers under twenty are written out. Your narration seems a tad bit stiff, too. A little more thought input from the first person narrator would add some spice and make the reader eager for some more opinions. (You can also really warp situations in first person. Don't forget that.)
But I did like quite a good amount of it. I wonder who the target is--you played that mystery card well. And I really like your characterization of Amy. You handled her in a very mature fashion. The plot itself sounds very thrilling as well. You have a great story planned ahead. Keep up the good work. I can't wait to see more. ^^

Author's Response: I'm pleased. that someone got something out of it. Yes I know that my depiction in the first person isn't hat you could call the greatest, but after seeing what other people have been doing it gave me a few ideas :). As for the mystery part I like to read alot of them and its given me way too many ideas as to how my stories turn out. Who knows what happens in the next chapter? Well I don't know thats for sure. However I will take a closer look and see what I can do to fix what errors I missed. Much Appreciated. :P